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“You
Can Be All That”
By: Vicki L. Calton
Good conversation can brighten your day. It can also make
your day. Have you ever thought about how much is achieved
through simple conversation? New friendships are started,
romances are begun, business deals are closed, lessons
are learned, information is gathered, and relationships
are made stronger.
Those
who hold effective conversations understand that it is
more personal than a discussion, and the key to conversation
is focusing on the person to whom you are talking. The
skilled conversationalist is more concerned with getting
to know the other person's feelings and ideas than she
is with talking about themselves and their accomplishments.
So you will want to use conversation to relate to and
to learn about the other person's thoughts, problems,
pleasures, and experiences. You should become skilled
at not only starting conversations, but also keeping them
going. Here are a few answers on how to master the art
of conversation:
1.
How can I begin a conversation?
* Ask a question about something that is interesting to
you. This will allow you to have a sincere conversation.
* Give a compliment. Offer a compliment about the person
or about your current situation. Personal compliments
make the other person feel appreciated, but you can also
comment on your current situation by saying something
like, "This is an absolutely wonderful play!"
* Talk about current events. They are often interesting
topics that may be discussed in detail.
2.
How can I keep the conversation going?
* Ask simple, non-threatening questions that cannot be
answered with a simple yes/no answer. This leads the other
person to answer with a sentence or more, rather than
short and choppy answers. You can see the difference in
these two questions by imagining what type of answer you
would receive. Instead of asking, "Do you like your new
car?" try, "What do you enjoy most about your new car?"
Here
are seven tips for having good conversation:
1.
Give the conversation your full attention. Make and keep
eye contact. Show your enthusiasm by giving appropriate
non-verbal cues to show your emotions. Raising your eyebrows,
smiling, and frowning are some examples of responses.
As well, mix in a few verbal cues to show that you are
interested
(i.e., "Wow!", "That's amazing!" ).
2.
Enjoy learning about people. Be interested in learning
new things about each person that you meet. Ask them for
more details. People are usually flattered when you say,
"Tell me more!" Relax and enjoy hearing what they have
to say. This is one of the best ways to make someone feel
important.
3.
Listen intently without interrupting. Don't be afraid
that you will not have a chance to speak or that you will
forget what you have to say. You will have your chance.
4.
Practice by conversing with different people. You've heard
it before-practice makes perfect. The more you talk with
a variety of people, the better you will become at conversation.
5.
Smoothly change the subject when the conversation becomes
boring. Example: After talking about ebonics until you
have lost interest, you might remark, "Your thoughts on
ebonics are very interesting. Please tell me what you
think about last night's winner of the Miss Universe pageant."
You want to be both polite and smooth. Make a last comment
on the topic you are discussing, and then transition to
a new topic.
6.
Beware of controversial subjects. Unless you truly know
your listener, avoid discussing risky subjects that are
likely to cause heated debates. These often include religion,
politics, race issues, sexual orientation issues, and
etc.
7.
Don't talk unnecessarily. Know that it is okay to pause
or be quiet for a moment. After the conversation is over,
ask yourself if the person to whom you were talking is
likely to feel good about having talked with you. If your
answer is yes, then you probably had a good conversation.
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